The radio is playing Mick Jagger’s "you can't always get what you want."

You can’t always get what you want. But if you try hard, you’ll get what you need.

What do I want?
I closed my eyes and tears began to fall through my cheek.
I want to be with Rick. I want to be a wife and a mother and live a simple and normal life. I am getting old and tired and all that I want is someone to rely on.

Rick is not Rible.

The feeling I had for Rible was not love. I was only sixteen. We didn’t know each other, nor did we know ourselves. Our relationship was not based on mutual understanding, but on an illusion of teenage dreams. And the first praise and care from a boy, I mistook it for love.

And now Rick.

Cold fish, Old sourpuss, stuck-up spinster. I could still remember all the nicknames of me before Rick came into my life. Rick had changed me and in the meantime I had learned a lot from him.

He helped me grow. I am no longer the conceited commanding officer, only giving orders according to the tactics learned from military school. I am now able to empathize with the pilots, to sense their fear in the battle out in the dark silent universe. It does not make my job easier, but makes it painful. Anyone’s death diminishes me, because now I am morally involved.

Rick taught me how to be a leader. Before he came, I only wanted others to think that I was an independent and confident person--who know exactly what I was doing and run everything in my life smoothly--while the fact is that I felt scared and frightened and tired for most of the time, not knowing where to go and what to work for. But the image of being capable so fulfilled my ego that I pushed and pushed my fear into my unconsciousness. Every now and then, when the fear peered out and seized my, I would appear completely distressed and anxious, confused in a state of mental cloudiness that had only been seen Claudia. But Rick is so different. He never tries to APPEAR brave, he admits his fear and does his job despite of all this. He taught me how to be self-composed and assertive, the prerequisite of being a leader, and in the same time retains the sensitivity of recognizing my own feelings.

He taught me to love. I used to be anything but considerate. I used to believe in strict military discipline and nothing else. But he is soft and caring. He cares for Minmei, for Ben, for all the young pilots under his commands. And I could see from him that how demanding and pushy I used to be. But he brought out the gentle part of my being, which I had pushed down deep inside myself for too long. Now I can honestly express my passion and care about my friends, without fearing to be hurt in return, like the time when Rible left me for Mars. I know I LOVE Rick. It doesn’t matter that he does not have the same feeling towards me--the friendship we have be sharing is one of genuine concern and mutual understanding--and that is the most precious thing one can expect from life.

It had finally come to the time that I resolve my feelings for Rick. I know he loves Minmei and we could never be together. Yes, I was sad, I do not want to face this. But I still has my job to worry about and if I keep being a love sick puppy like this, then all the time I’ve spend with Rick has been wasted.



Maybe I AM engaged to my work. This time I do not chose my career as an escape from reality. I choose it because I finally find the meaning of my work. It might be sad----because I would miss all the happiness of being in an intimate relationship. But did that really matter?

Florence Nightingale and Mother Teresa. They may not lead a romantic life, but nonetheless a special one. They never married--not because they were not able to love--but because their love was so general that they could not focus it on a specific person. The love was directed to every people that needs help--noble or humble, old or young--a love that must have been painful for themselves but which had brought warmth and happiness to so much people.

I doubt if Nightingale and Mother Teresa ever regretted their choice--I think they knew well enough that they were engaged to the service of healing, that such trivial thing as getting married and having children, seldom, if ever, came to bother them.

Time to say goodbye and head for our own futures.

This time, I am not able to get what I want.

You can’t always get what you want. But if you try hard, you’ll get what you need.

But what do I need?
I got up and opened the window. The sun has finally escaped from behind the distant hills at the far end of Lake Gloval.
It’s a beautiful scence, full of hope and promise.
I feel a sense of relief.
Now I’ve finally found what I need--I need to work hard to get the people on the earth what they need--peace.

你不能一直得到你想要的
——丽莎日记选段，写于《节日问候》之夜

　　收音机里正播放着Mick Jagger的《你不一定总能得到你想要的》。
　　（歌词）你不能一直得到你想要的，不过如果去努力，你会得到你需要的。
　　我想要的是什么？
　　我闭上双眼，泪水顺着脸颊滑下来。
　　我想和瑞克在一起。我想成为一个妻子，一个母亲，过一种简单而平常的生活。我感到自己正在老去，而且变得越来越疲惫，而我想要的只是一个可以依靠的人。
　　瑞克不是瑞博。
　　我对瑞博的感情不是爱。那时，我只有16岁，我们并不了解对方，甚至也不了解自己。我们的爱不是建立在相互理解的基础上，而不过是青春梦想的幻觉而已。那个男孩给了我第一个赞美和关心，而我把它误当作了爱。
　　而现在，是瑞克。
　　冷咸鱼、唠叨婆，老处女，我仍然记得在瑞克闯入我的生命之前自己的那些绰号。是瑞克改变了我，我从他身上学到了很多。
　　他帮助我成长。我不再是那个自负的指挥官，仅仅根据军校学来的条条框框发号施令。现在，我能够真正体验飞行员的心情，感受他们在黑暗而死寂的宇宙中战斗时的恐惧。这没有让我的工作更容易，而是让它更痛苦。他们的死亡让我感到伤痛，因为我现在融入了自己的感情。
　　瑞克教给我如何成为一名领袖。在他来之前，我只希望别人认为我是个独立而自信的人，永远知道自己在做什么，把一切都安排得妥妥当当。可是，在大多数时间我都会感到害怕、恐惧而疲惫，不知该向何处去，或是为何而工作。可那个无所不能的形象让我的自尊心得到极大满足，所以我把恐惧深深的藏在自己也找不到的地方。时不时地，那些恐惧偷偷浮出水面，而我会感到彻底的焦虑和绝望，大脑变得一团迷茫，这些只有克劳迪娅能看见。但瑞克是不同的，他从不假装勇敢，他承认他的恐惧，克服它们，并且完成工作。他教给我如何做到真正的镇定自若，这是成为一名领袖的先决条件，但同时又能体验到自己真正的感情。
　　他教给我如何去爱。我以前不懂得如何体谅他人，我曾经只相信严格的军队纪律。但他温暖而富有同情心。他关心明美，关心本，关心手下所有的年轻飞行员们。通过观察他，我意识到自己是多么苛刻和不近人情。而他引导出了我温柔的一面，我长时间以来埋藏在心底的那一面。现在，我可以诚实的表达我的热情和对朋友的关心，而不必担心到头来会被伤害，就像瑞博离开我去火星那样。我知道，我爱瑞克。他是否爱我也许并不重要，我们的友谊建立在关心和相互理解之上，而这是一个人所能得到的最珍贵的礼物之一。
　　终于到了最后了断与瑞克的感情的时候了。我知道他爱明美，而我们永远不可能在一起。是的，我很悲伤，我不想面对这一切。但是，我的工作在等着我，我不能老像个害相思病的小女生一样，否则和瑞克在一起的时间就全白费了。
　　也许我和工作订了婚。不过这一次，我不再把职业当成一种逃避，而是因为我真正找到了工作的意义。这也许有点悲伤，因为我会失去所有爱情中的快乐。但是，那真的重要吗？
　　南丁格尔护士和特雷莎修女，她们的生活也许不浪漫，可是却非常的与众不同。她们从未结婚，并不因为她们没有能力去爱，而是因为她们的爱如此博大，以至于无法集中在某个人身上。她们把爱倾注给所有人，无论是高贵或低贱，无论是年轻或衰老。这份爱也许给她们自己带来了痛苦，但给那么多世人带来温暖和快乐。
　　我怀疑南丁格尔和特雷莎修女是否曾后悔她们的选择，我猜她们明白自己献身给了崇高的事业，而结婚生孩子这样的事可能从未困扰过她们。
　　是向过去道别，然后迈向未来的时刻了。
　　这一次，我也许不能得到我想要的。
　　（歌声）你不能一直得到你想要的，不过如果去努力，你会得到你需要的。
　　可是，我需要的是什么？
　　我站起来，打开窗户。在格罗夫湖尽头的山脉处，夕阳的余晖正在洒向大地。
　　这一幕是那么美丽，充满了希望。
　　我突然感到如释重负。
　　现在，我终于知道我所需要的，我要努力去工作，让地球上的人们得到他们所需要的东西——和平。